“If you could flick a switch and open your third eye,
You’d see that
We should never be afraid to die”
“What if all the world’s inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you’re really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can’t find the woods
While you’re hiding in the trees”
–Nine Inch Nails
The pain, the joy, the sweet smells, the luscious green grass, the animals, the children’s laughter, biting into a peanut-butter filled chocolate truffle, the tossing and turning at night, the smile on his face after something I said, the fleece blanket I was curled under as I read “Desert Solitaire”, the shadows against the garage at 6:00 in the evening, the pain in my leg muscles after an indoor soccer game, the depression I felt on a beautiful sunny afternoon, the longing I feel for a place that I remember I came from, the attachments that I feel towards my dreams, the sounds and smells of my housemate cooking, the cute little eight-year old girl that just came knocking at my front door to break me out of my musings to ask, “Do you have a plastic fork or a balloon, I’m on a scavenger hunt….” Aren’t we all? The sounds of cars speeding down the road, the hum of the lawn mower two houses down, my cat meowing—begging that I let him outside, the beautiful black crows ascending and descending from the tall Oregon fir trees, the illusion of being alone, the grumbling coming from my stomach, the dust on my windowsill that I have been meaning to wipe down for the last three weeks, the realization that there is so much yet to learn, the memories, the pulsations throughout my body, the gratitude I feel, the art that I need to work on, the breathing that I concentrate on, alert, I am awake….for now. Every single thing—all of it, it’s amazing and miraculous.
There’s This Place that I go into, a place where my sense of reality changes, it might be considered by some a trance, maybe? In This Place, everything makes sense and there is no worry….in fact, worry seems so laughable in This Place. This Place envelopes me and I become so at one with it that I can’t imagaine a place other than it.
And then…..I get attached to this place, I cling to it and realize it could leave and once I think that, I snap out of it and get back into “the real world.” I truly do love This Place though, because This Place is pure love. This Place is gratitude, joy, love, and freedom all mixed together to make the most beautiful feeling. In This Place, I remember the divine orchestra of life, that every single thing is just as it should be. No regrets and no frets….This Place is a reminder of what has been forgotten and I’m forever thankful for it.
In This Place, my past, present and future are nonlinear. In This Place I remember that we are all eternal. I remember that just as every single leaf, every single blade of grass, and every single dot of dust had so many different things happen to make it exist, we are alike. We are just like that leaf, just like that grass, just like that dot of dust, so many different things had to happen to bring us to who we are RIGHT NOW. And who we are RIGHT NOW is going to be so much different from the person we are going to be at 2 PM tomorrow, circumstances and situations are constantly changing who we are in the moment.
It is so freeing in This Place. In This Place, you can let go of everything so easily. In This Place you remember that everything is flowing like a river, things are constantly changing, but it’s not scary: it’s absolutely, beautifully stunning. In This Place I don’t worry about whether or not my toenails are looking like they’re in massive need of a pedicure, in This Place I’m not worried about what people think of my hairdo or the way I dress because in This Place I remember that none of that truly matters. In This Place there is no judgement.
This Place overtakes me inside and out, in This Place I feel at one with everything around me. This Place reminds me of how truly amazing everything is, how when there very well could be nothingness…there is somethingness. It reminds me to take everything in with every single breath, the way my feet feel against the ground, the sweat on my skin, the colors surrounding me.
This Place, it is a beautiful place to be. This Place brings me out of confusion, delusion and reminds me of how everything that I thought I knew, it was all just an illusion…..