Vision Quest Part Tres

trippyvision

Hey all!  This is the last of my journal entries from my recent Vision Quest journey.  Before reading this blog post, I highly recommend that you first read parts Uno and Dos

Okay, well, I killed some of the morning off by making more of my little butterfly cards to give to all of my Vision Quest warriors, I did a few yoga poses, changed into warmer socks and attempted to meditate for a bit, but then the urge to pee came back.  I don’t want to give up on my Vision Quest yet, I truly do not want to, especially since there is only 24 hours to go, but this whole no-water thang has really gotten me for sure.  Maybe this is ego chattering in my mind, but I think that I have a plan here.  I’ll give it my all to finish the Quest, but come tomorrow morning, if I am still having UTI symptoms…I think it’d be best to have a small bite to eat, a SHIT TON OF WATER and then head out.  I really hate to leave before it is over, but I have had many UTIs in my time (I get 2-3 per year) and I know that it is best to get it taken care of ASAP.  I know that people might judge me for leaving early, but all I am really going to miss is the second sweat lodge ceremony and a fire-walk.

 

This is probably all a lesson in learning to take care of myself.  These people have all been wonderful, but I need to know when it is time and if I am still having UTI symptoms come tomorrow morning, then I know that it is time.  I am quite proud of myself for going this far!  I truly think that this no-water thing is what killed me.  Part of why I drink a shit ton of water all the time is to stave off the UTIs.  It’s decided though—no doubt, UTI symptoms tomorrow morning I am out of here.  I’ll talk to Linda and Gent and take off.  Honestly, it’ll be good to work on job hunting when I get back too.

 

It just hit me, I have no health insurance.  I hope to God that there is a Planned Parenthood near Salt Lake City (praying) because they have helped me with UTI symptoms in the past.  As soon as I have a job again I promise that I will give them a fatty donation.  I promise, promise, promise.

 

As much as I talk smack about civilization, I am really missing it right now.  I am very grateful for the sips that I have left of my tea.  I don’t care if I am one of the first back to base camp tomorrow morning and am considered a weakling.  Getting water and treating a UTI are pretty important things if you ask me.

 

Right now, I am grateful for the sunlight keeping me warm, I am grateful to know that this is more than half over, hehe.  I am grateful for a few sips left of tea and my art project to keep me busy.

 

This experience is really making me appreciate a lot: WATER, heavenly WATER, food, the sun, the moon (it has been amazing to have such a clear view of it from where I am sleeping.)  This experience has made me appreciate and miss my tent, hehe.

 

There have been noises throughout the night that definitely have been freaking me out, so I cough a bunch just in case it’s a big animal—hoping that helps. 

 

I am so grateful that everything worked together the way that it did, that I got to and from the Salt Lake City area from St. George safely—twice within the last week.  I am grateful to be relatively close to Salt Lake City so that I can hit up a Planned Parenthood tomorrow.

 

Water, water, more than ANYTHING else in the world, I can’t wait to drink water tomorrow morning.  Hopefully Austin will be able to drive with me tomorrow morning to make sure my car doesn’t get stuck on the janky roads on the way out of here.  I am not going to let anyone talk me out of it, I need to take care of this physical body and that means getting this UTI taken care of STAT!

 

Wednesday 9/6 (my guess is that it’s about 2:00pm)

 

I am so grateful this pen is still working.  I am in a bit of a predicament.  It has now been 48+ hours since I last ate, I tried to do my small walking loop to keep the flies off of me, but I have no more energy, I really would like to lie down on my bed area but it’s too sunny and warm in that location and nothing else looks very promising.  I only have a few sips of tea to last me until morning.  All things considered, I am surprised that I am not as crabby as I could be.  I am so grateful that this is the last night!

I don’t think that I will be the first one back to base camp tomorrow morning, that is my prediction.  There is a weird pulse going on in my belly, I haven’t a clue what that is all about.  By the way, I just wanted to mention, I have only seen 4 vehicles go by total in the last almost 48 hours (3 yesterday and 1 today.)  My mind is CHATTERING LIKE CRAZY. 

 

I have no idea what to do with myself, I have no energy to move.  I just finished all of my drawings.  What oh what does a girl do?  With where the sun is now, I am guessing it to be about 5pm.  That means just about 12 hours or so left!  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and then a good 8 of the hours should be sleeping, yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  So I only need to try to entertain myself for about 5 more hours haha.

 

This just came to me!  Since one of my passions is caring for other people, then I truly need to care for myself first and part of that is doing this inner work that I am doing with the Vision Quest and caring for this amazing body that does so much for me.  I will continue on my path of healthy eating, running 5-6 days out of the week, tai chi, and yoga when I get back to civilization.  It’s weird hearing no civilization right now, just a bunch of bugs buzzing around me.  I think that it’s time for another sip of tea.  You know what’s really funny?  I made little stations for myself where I am staying.  I have the station where I sleep, a drawing station, and then a station where I keep my shoes and tea.  I was going to attempt to meditate and then write down what comes up for me, but these flies are so terrible here.  I’ll try for 30 breaths at least, wish me luck!

Love,

Ilona

I am not going to lie, this sunset has no doubt been the longest in my life.  I truly feel like dying I want water so bad, what an awful feeling.  The flies won’t leave me the fuck alone.  Wasp sting, UTI!  Hey, thank goodness I haven’t been preyed upon by any large animals, I must say—gotta look at the positive side whenever possible.  I keep having flashbacks about Portland—how scattered I had gotten there, how scattered that I have felt in general over the last few years…yet here I am, still alive…I suppose there is that.  I have ultimately been blessed in so many ways, it’s unreal.

 

The sun has set, but it is still a bit warm, so I am imagining that tonight will not be as cold as all of the other nights have been, maybe?  These flies are ruthless, but I know that they will be disappearing soon as night falls.  I truly hope that I sleep through the night so that BOOM!  Morning is here.  I am still fantasizing about drinking boat-loads of water.  Come to think of it, I should probably try to go kind of slow with my water intake when I get back so as to not shock my system.  I can’t wait to get into town and contact either a Planned Parenthood in Salt Lake City or that free clinic in St. George that can maybe take in a bum such as me.

 

I definitely feel like being done with this, yo.  I am in pain in more ways than one.  I truly am going to appreciate every bite of food, every sip of water, and every conversation that I have when I get back.  This has taught me a lot FO SHO.

 

Thursday 9/7 (I am guessing with where the moon is, it’s about 3:00am?)

This has been my least favorite night.  I awoke from a dream where I was a receptionist at some lab where they were taking dead bodies into a back room, then in real life I had to pee and then I heard what sounded like multiple coyotes howling.  My stomach is growling like mad and my mouth is super dry and I keep envisioning drinking bottle of water after bottle of water.  FUCK!  The morning cannot come soon enough.

 

Thursday 9/7 (morning sunrise)

How symbolic.  I dreamt that I was peeing normally full force into a toilet, but I couldn’t turn a light on as I was peeing, it was dark (last night I was awaiting sunlight and concerned about my UTI symptoms.)  Yayyyyyyyyyy, the sun is rising and I am going to get my shit together, get back to base camp and let everyone know that I am outta here!!!!!!!!!

 

Friday 9/8

Wow, that was all a strange experience.  I was actually the last person to arrive back to base camp, hehe…I am hardcore.  This whole experience has been such a trip, I truly feel as if all of these people are a part of me.  Everyone here is so incredibly present and in the moment.  It feels really special that just 10 days ago I was helping to sand down all of these teepee poles in which we are all now sitting under for ceremony.  I drank a ton of fluids, informed Linda about my UTI symptoms in which right away she had me take specific herbal teas, drink a ton of cranberry komobucha, and had every single person in the Vision Quest be part of a healing ceremony for me….and the symptoms were gone (100% gone, as if I had taken an antibiotic) the next morning, it was completely UNREAL.

 

During our peyote ceremony, that’s when the real medicine was taken (i.e. more like what I was envisioning for peyote, a ton of hallucinations…)  At one point during ceremony, I closed my eyes and all that I could see was geometric patterns of wolves and spirals, nothing else.

 

9/9/17

Wow.  Tomorrow is officially the last day.  What a crazy ass ride.  In sooooooo many ways this was more difficult for me than a 10-day silent meditation retreat because we HAD to be open with each and every person in the Vision Quest group.  My dream in the beginning of realizing that everyone would know what I’m thinking pretty much came true.  I became intimate/vulnerable with 14 others EVERY DAY, except for the 3 days up on the hill, but even then I felt them with me.  The all-night peyote ceremony with everyone was wild.  We started it out with going around the room each holding each other’s medicine/crystals and blessing them, then we took our medicine and puked our brains out hardcore all while becoming completely open about EVERYTHING.  I told a group of 14 people some deep, dark shit before, during, and after puking my brains out.  I also listened to 14 other people’s deep and dark shit.  Each and every one of us held space and I saw everyone’s bright Spirits despite all of the fucked-up life problems that we were all sharing with each other.

 

I ended up super connecting with Brooke (who is from Sedona and used to live with a Spiritual teacher that I am a big fan of.)  It hit me that Brooke’s profile looks EXACTLY like the doctor that I used to work for, her personality matched too.  It hit me that Brooke is another teacher in my life just as that doctor was—only I learned a shit ton about herbalism, plant medicine, and native ways from Brooke instead of Western Medicine.  Brooke said something really sweet to me too during the ceremony, she goes “when I first met you, I knew.  I thought ‘this girl…she can SEE things.”  Right after she said that we both saw a shooting star in the sky as we were walking back to the teepee together.  We hugged and then each made a wish, hehe.  We stayed up all night.  I tried to sleep in the teepee, but kept seeing crazy-ass geometric patterns every time that I tried closing my eyes.  I also felt as if I was leaving my body and teleporting to other realms and dimensions.  I kept hearing the other Vision Questers talk and it hit me that they were all me and I was all them.  I started having crazy realizations about energy and how connected everything really is and how I chose this path and how all of the Vision Quest people are on the same path.  Haylee, Brooke, and I ended up being the last of the people in the teepee tending to the fire.  Gent was sleeping in the teepee and would pipe in every once in a while to the conversation us three girls were having.

rainbowsisMe and my Spirit Sisters outside of teepee ceremony.

 

Eventually I went back to my tent, but could not sleep for the life of me because when I shut my eyes I got lost in the different geometric patterns and I kept feeling as if I was going to leave my body.  Gent called for me to come out of my tent anyhow.  I got out of my tent and I had to face EVERYONE still feeling majorly tripped out.  Josh pulled out a boom box and we all started dancing for a while, but then his stereo went out and right as it went out, his wife and three children pulled up into the parking lot area of our base camp, it was as if it was all planned (the way the music stopped right as they pulled up.) 

 

I initially felt very awkward since I was still tripping and there were children running around me.  His wife and three children came in for our last ceremony which involved breath-work (basically intense meditation.)  It happened to be the ceremony that I went into my most vulnerable place ever.  It felt as if my whole body became the earth and the earth became my body.  I cried, cried, cried and others surrounded me and placed their hands gently around my neck, arms, and sides.  It felt as if I started leaving my body and I felt as if I was being re-birthed.  My eyes were shut, but I could see everyone in the room and everything in the room felt and looked like pure love.  I opened my eyes and Josh’s kids were staring at me wide-eyed with curiosity…one of them was wafting sage onto me with a feather and the other was playing a drum like a true little Medicine Woman.  It hit me that all of those tons of dreams that I had about two little blonde haired boys were THOSE two little boys, they were Josh’s boys.  I burst out crying even more, everything felt so incredibly connected it was truly unreal.  At one point, it felt as if my root chakra had a giant cord attached to the earth.

 

I would write more, but I really have to pee and brush my teeth an my tent is pretty soaked because I had no rain cover :/  Anyhow, his kids were so adorable, they kept wanting to hang out with me after the ceremony, hehe.  Despite being up for almost 36+ hours, I somehow managed to be coherent enough to play with them and converse with everyone.  This whole experience was all about facing so much of your shit because guess what?  You couldn’t run away!  And you couldn’t resort to technology because we had no service.

37410085505_cf5daf5bf8_oGent (the Medicine Man) and I helping to build the sweat lodge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vision Quest Part Dos

Tuesday 9/5 (continued from where I left off in Vision Quest, Part Uno)

Despite the mild panic that my mind is going though at the moment, I know that these people are thinking of me: My mom, Gina, Naomi, Devona, Amy, Kyle, Mary, Cori, Ryan, Heather, Liz, Kim, Kris, Kendra, Tom, Brooke, Scott, Gent, Linda, Josh, Haylee, Austin, Alan, Nina, Tanner, Karen, and Kirk.  And with that, I know that I am loved.  I am loved.  I am loved.

 

I don’t quite know yet how to make a living yet out of my passion of inner-work (meditating, journaling, nature, and dream-work), but I can at least work on it on the side like I am doing until I can make a career out of it.  I need to change into shorts, aye yi yi!!!

 

So now this funny, I had intentions to get my hiking boots back on, but there has been a butterfly on the right shoe for a long time now, it opens its wings as if it’s about to take off, then closes, then opens, then closes.  I was gonna attempt to try to scope out a place that is fly-free so that I can maybe try to sit my ass down and draw.  Wish me luck. 

Love,

Me.

 

Tue 9/5 (continued)

My back be hurtin’ yo.  So this is kind of hilarious…it is raining right now, but only in this very section of my Vision Quest spot.  Is this Portland’s cruel joke on me? 

 

When I get back to St. George I am going to try to be less controlling.  I am going to make my main intention be that I’ll be sure to light a candle/incense every day and meditate for 20 minutes, journal for 20 minutes, and read something spiritual.  I understand that I’ll need to go back to the working world for now to save up money and get groceries and what not.  But I will continue to practice my spirituality without a doubt. 

 

I have now seen: butterflies, flies, birds, squirrels, and one chipmunk.  Looks like this rain is passing and I am definitely starting to get wayyyyyyyyy hungry.

 

So far, my day has pretty much gone like this: wake up, pee, brush hair, brush teeth (with no water it made it kinda tough), get dressed, make bed, meditate, yoga, journal, walking meditation, take some sips of my peyote tea, explore my surroundings (including one brief fall off of a tree, haha!)  Then, I napped, meditated, drew, another walking meditation, started to make a rock drawing on my tarp until I felt as if I was going to faint in which I headed to some shade, rested against a tree, and took a few sips of my tea and voila—here I am again.  I have decided to make cards of my butterfly drawings to give to each of the beautiful souls that I have met on this Vision Quest.

 

Mother fucking flies! I talked to them, tried to reason with them, but they don’t give two shits.  What the fuck is the point of these ugly horse flies—they have no purpose except to annoy the fuck out of us.  I just got stung by a wasp too, but at least I know that I am not allergic, eh?

 

These flies are definitely giving me a run for my money.  I have been walking in a loop that I created just to get the flies to leave me alone.  It started thundering and there was a bit of grey cloud rolling in, my ego panicked for a second.  I was like “ahhhhhhhhhhh, toss out your rock art, pick up the tarp and put it over tree branches somewhere, rain is coming!!”  But then my heart (the calmer and quieter voice) said to wait it out because my rock art that spells out “LOVE” on top of my tarp is pretty epic and sure enough, it never rained…only thundered. 

 

I had a little girl-crabby moment at the 26th hour of no food and with flies attacking me.  But once I discovered the art of walking at a specific pace that keeps the flies off of me and didn’t get me too tired, it was quite perfecto!  There is something soooooooooooooo incredibly familiar about this whole thing, as if I have done it before or something.  Hmmmmmmm?

visionquestphoto1Helping to build the sweat lodge with my brothers and sisters at Vision Quest, notice the sunbow that encompasses us?!

Tuesday 9/5 (nightfall)

Well, hello there.  Peyote reminds me of opium.  It’s so interesting, it’s nothing like what I thought it was going to be.  I thought that there was going to be more hallucinations, but in reality, it is truly a heart opener.  I’d love to do this with someone I love, be it a family member, friend, or lover.  It truly is a truth serum, just as Gent mentioned.  Gent, the peyote whisperer.  Hehe, I am a silly one.  In my hours of idle I started to make little butterfly cards with messages for everyone, but I am afraid my pen might run out soon, so I might need to finish them at base camp.

 

I have pretty much forgotten the fact that I haven’t eaten anything in about 30+ hours now.  Definitely feeling the peyote harder tonight (probably due to the whole not eating for 30+ hours thing).  There are a lot of memories coming up for me.  Memories about visiting Mount Shasta with Meghan and going to that delicious pizza parlor, Matt harassing me to go visit him after my Mount Shasta trip (I feel so safe to be far away from him.  Truly.)  Flashbacks to Eugene and then to the lovely people that I sat with at a half-day meditation retreat in Eugene.

 

 I just heard some dude coughing, strange.

 

It’s interesting because I am having all of these memory flashbacks, but I’m not really having any emotions attached with them.  I need to give myself more credit, I have lived a pretty brave and adventurous life.  I am feeling ready to settle down though soon and have a home base.

I feel that I have had a truly blessed life for the most part.  This peyote is extraaaa strong tonight, yowzas!  I’m really realizing the multi-dimensional aspect of my being.  I still have many more lessons to learn here in the 3D realm, but this quote from this song is coming up for me now, it’s that one “The future’s not ours to see, whatever will be will be.”  I need to remember to have fun with playing in the 3D realm, it can be playful if we allow it!  It feels as if it has been dusk for hours and hours! Haha

 

Wednesday 9/6 (AM)

This might sound harsh, but I could kill for some water right about now.  The tea will help a little, but I am fantasizing about downing a whole jug of water.  24 more hours to go, 24 more hours to go.  Right before I awoke, I dreamt that I had to run an errand for my mom.  I went and did that quickly, but it was intense because traffic was a little nutty.  I got back to my mom’s and I was putting eyeliner on, but she needed me to help her and my brother with finding a specific talk show.  I was attempting to text message this teacher guy who I was dating to tell him that I was going to be late for our date.  My text messaging went on the fritz, he got mad and texted back “you deleted my text message!  You know what?  Just forget about this.”  I froze up in place and couldn’t move for a minute.  A bunch of light was pouring down into my physical body and then I woke up.

 

I am noticeably weaker today.  Yesterday, my head was aching from no food, but now it has spread down my whole body, it aches and feels very weak.  I don’t know what I’ll do about those flies today because I am thinking that my body will probably be too weak to do the walking loop that I was doing yesterday to have them leave me alone.  Man, I am not joking about the water thing, I could seriously go for some water right now.  I had a dozen sips of tea, which was glorious, but that’s that I can have until evening besides a sip here or there during the afternoon today.  After I got back from going to the bathroom, I walked back to my sleeping bag and everything started to fade to white.  I am also having the beginning stages of a UTI.  As in, it keeps feeling like I have to pee, but I know that I don’t have pee because I just went and I have barely been drinking any fluids.

 

This is going to be a long day, I feel like my whole body got hit by a truck.  I feel slightly nauseated, thirsty as I have ever been in my life, and having periodic UTI symptoms, aye yi yi.  Spirit, please please please be with me for the next 24 hours, I know that I can get through this.  I think that I am going to be doing a lot of sleeping and resting today.

 

Water, cranberry juice, Nutella on bread/bagel, peanut butter/sun butter on tortilla, fried ice cream, this is everything I am craving right about now!

 (To Be Continued…!)

Revamping before 33!

The road to 33 is looking good!

I have gotten so off track from my initial intentions with what I wanted to do with this blog, but that is going to change!  When I started this blog (gasp) almost five years ago I entitled it “Ilona’s Meditation Challenge” because that’s what it was going to be.  My original plan was to write down what I noticed from starting a daily 20-minute meditation practice and it kind of twisted and turned into something completely different, it became a bit more random.  That’s okay though because from it I have gained a ton of blogging friends and acquaintances.  I would like to steer this blog vehicle though back on track and keep at it.

With my 33rd birthday coming around the corner it has hit me that I truly am not getting any younger here.  So with that, I want to work on sharing a blog post at least once a week about all things MIND, BODY, AND SOUL!  I want to inspire others to be the best versions of themselves, to help remind them that WE CAN CHANGE OUR WAYS and that IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.  The only way that we can make that truly happen though is to have the desire to change, that is the first step.

So in the coming weeks, I will be challenging myself (as my blog page is now accurately named) to post one blog post per week that has everything to do with: meditation, healthy eating, exercise, and anything else that you can think of that helps to heal MIND, BODY, AND SOUL.  I am going to release any guilt that I have held onto about wasting time or any ways in which I have been unconscious.  I want to change within, bring it out into the world and inspire others if they too have this similar goal.

Please join me in these coming weeks.  I plan on sharing what I notice with my two daily meditations (I have now been meditating for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening.) I will be sharing book reviews (I am currently reading When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.) I will be recording guided meditations for you to listen to and try out. I might even try my hand at making a video or two!

The point is, we are all in this together.  Everything is truly connected and everything we thought we knew is not going to last.  So let’s prepare ourselves now so as not to freak out when the crumbling begins (which it has already started a bit anyhow.). Let’s become more conscious together.  Let’s take a look at our bullshit stories that keep running/ruining our lives and transform them.  Please take my hand and cross this river with me.
Peace!

From my jog this morning:


Amen to that!!!!!

The Mentalist’s Handbook; Part Two

I have been working full-time over the last month, so it has been difficult to balance the time between working on the exercises in the Mentalist’s Handbook with work, but I have indeed been doing it!  I’m making an intent to not let this book keep staring me down from my book shelf, plus I’d like to not get an overdue library fine, haha.  So I picked up where I left off (my last post was all about basic meditation) in lesson one of the book.  After the basic meditation exercise, next comes an exercise in visualization.  Visualization is completely new to me, but I must say I have picked up on it quite easily and I attribute that to my meditation practice over the last four years.

mentalist1

The author first gives you a simple visualization to do, which is based on an optical illusion.  He gives you an image that you stare at (as seen in the picture above) while counting slowly to thirty and then you quickly shift your gaze to a white or light-colored wall to see if you see the afterimage of the picture on the wall.  After doing this exercise a few more times, he then recommends that you try to visualize the same image upon the wall without staring at the picture of it first.  After managing that, it is recommended to play more with your visualizations such as trying to visualize it against different walls, suspended from a wall or adding parts to the image (adding extra fingers for an example and then taking them away.)

mentalist2

After the simple visualization, exercise number three comes where you are to imagine the aetheric plane.  Doing this exercise basically feels as if you are making layers over what you see in the “real” world.  I did this exercise out on one of my hikes as I was sitting on a boulder staring towards a group of bushes.  I took the scene of bushes in, including all of the detail that I could pinpoint such as raindrops hanging off some of the vegetation of the bush and the intricate detail of the leaves on some of the bushes.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and then brought the landscape of bushes that I was just looking at into my imagination, trying to remember all of the details I could.  As instructed, I then imagined the whole scene to made of light and then colored everything blue so that it seemed to have a translucent glow to it (the author instructs that you pick any color of your choosing to give it the glow.)  After holding that image in my thoughts, I popped open my eyes and superimposed my mental landscape onto the actual scene as if it was wrapping around it as a shell.

mentalist3

After doing exercise number two and three, I was feeling much more confident in my visualization skills.  Armed with visualization confidence I thought going into exercise number 4 would be a piece of cake, but I stumbled with it a bit.  This exercise is entitled “The Scupltor’s Studio”  where you envision yourself literally in a sculptor’s studio.  Before this, you do a basic 10-minute meditation (following the in/out breath) and then you bring yourself into the sculptor’s studio.  You envision everything in the sculptor’s studio, including the sculptor himself turning into clay.  Once everything is clay, you envision the sculptor being able to work with everything that has become clay and sculpting everything into new things.  I had a lot of fun with it for about 5 minutes, I smiled as I imagined the sculptor pouring himself a cup of clay coffee from the clay coffeemaker.  Eventually though, my mind got a bit A.D.D. and started thinking about other things, such as things I had to do later in the day bringing myself out of the scene.

mentalist4

Excercise number five is the last exercise I have worked on (hoping to do number six after I finish typing up this post :)!)  In exercise number five, you again start it out with ten minutes of basic meditation and then you visualize yourself in a big open field.  It’s your aetheric (or astral) body.  Once you get a good feel as your astral self, you envision that field fading away and you find yourself in one of your favorite places to be.  You stay in this place for a little while recalling as much of it as you can and try to imagine if it is clear, hazy or anything else you notice.  You then transfer over to another place, a favorite store or restaurant of yours and do the same, observing it as if you are really there.  With this one I did a recording right afterwards and posted it below.  I did notice that all of the previous exercises really helped pave the way for my imagination to be very lucid in the beginning of this exercise.  K, I am headed out to work on exercise number 6 :)….wish me luck and more on that one later!

The Mentalist’s Handbook

bookpic

On a recent stop to one of my favorite indoor locales, the library (nerd alert!)  I came across the book, “The Mentalist’s Handbook” pretty randomly while I was trying to find a good beginner’s book about meditation for a friend.  As I laid my eyes on the picture that was on the front of the book, which was a girl with eyes connected to a light bulb (as seen above), I was intrigued.  The picture looked eerily familiar to a collage that I had made almost ten years ago.  I thumbed through the first few pages and was instantly hooked when I read the author’s introduction.  It almost felt as if I was reading my own words.

I’d been fascinated with the power of the human mind and it’s purported ability for astral projection, communication with the spirit world, and psychic feats for as long as I could remember, reading any related books I got my hands on and talking to whomever would share with me stories of their own experiences.  I was sure there was a reason for such phenomena to exist, and I had a sense that it was all related somehow.  But no one could explain any of it to my satisfaction.  Could this all be true?  I was insecure too, about being called a fool for questioning the limits of human knowledge in the rational world that we live in today.”  —Excerpt from “The Mentalist’s Handbook.”

As I stood there in the library reading parts out of the book, I lost track of time.  I was so eager to get started on the exercises that the author shares to help you reach the “aetheric” plane (yep, the author spells it with an ‘a’ in front of it, as they did in the 18th and 19th centuries), which the author explains as: “There is another world beyond, yet inside, the material world you and I know and inhabit.  This place is at once different from and the same as ours.  Everything in this other world looks as though it is made of light.  In fact, all things on the aetheric plane are made of a superfine substance known as aether.”   To me, the word “aetheric” is synonymous with “astral” (see definition below) which is the term I am going to use from now on when the author states “aetheric” because to me ,that’s just easier.  What can I say, old habits die hard!

The meaning of the word “Astral” per Oxford Dictionary:

1. {attributive} Relating to or resembling the stars. ‘astral navigation’

1.1 Relating to a supposed non-physical realm of existence to which various psychic and paranormal phenomena are ascribed, and in which the physical human body is said to have a counterpart.  ‘spiritual beings from the astral plane’

After I brought the book home, it stayed on my book shelf for weeks, staring me down.  One rainy afternoon, after moving into a new place that doesn’t have a T.V. or anything else to distract me, I finally took the book down off the shelf and started reading it as eagerly as I had when I first looked at in the library.  I completed the first three exercises that the author recommends, but I didn’t record any of them.  Then I placed the book back on the shelf and another two weeks went by until I picked it up again.  Picking it up this time, I decided that I would actually take the author’s recommendations and record what happened for me doing the exercises.  I downloaded a free recording app on my phone and started the book all over again.

For the first exercise in the book, I recorded what happened for me, I did one recording before the initial exercise and one recording after I performed the exercise.  If you’re interested to hear the recordings, just click the two icons at the bottom of this blog post, they are just a couple minutes each.  In this first exercise the author basically asks that you find a quiet space in your home to sit and strictly focus on nothing except for your breathing as it enters, fills, and exits your body.  The author also recommends that for each documentation that you do for each exercise, you should record a brief play-by-play of your general state of mind, your diet for the past twenty-four hours, any thoughts weighing heavily on your mind, and any abnormal external conditions that may affect your session.

For me, this first exercise was fortunately pretty easy because meditation is something that I try to practice every morning for about twenty minutes.  I had ate a pretty healthy diet for the twenty-four hours leading up to the meditation, although I still wasn’t feeling completely 100% myself because I had drank too much wine the night before.  I notice that when I am slightly hungover or tired when I meditate, my mind constantly wanders and can’t seem to stay focused on the breath.  I had a couple distinct things occur for me in the fifteen minute meditation, the first one was a strong tonal change that I felt on my right ear about ten minutes into the meditation.  The second thing that happened for me was that I felt a ton of activity on the crown of my skull, it felt as if it had opened up and was merging with the air in the room.

I am excited to check out more of this book and see how I do with it.  I understand that me posting about this might come up as controversial to some, but this excites me and I have learned to follow excitement without reservation.  The author asks in the beginning of the book to record what happens for you in the exercises and then to send him your recordings afterwards.  So between my recordings and blogging I plan to eventually send this all in to him.  I plan to still write my regular blog posts in between this, but plan to see more postings about this book in the future and thanks so much for following my journey!

Peace!  🙂  Ohhhhhhh and P.S.  If you do listen to the audio below, I am just warming up to this whole audio thing, so I’m hoping the recordings will get better as I do them more! 🙂

A Short Story from the Paranormal World


My last post was a bit different than my usual posts.  At this juncture in my life, I truly feel as if time is running out and I want to pump out anything that I feel needs to be heard, even if it’s just a few people that end up resonating with what comes out of me.  I have expressed my extreme fascination with all things New Age/metaphysical  (i.e. Yoga, meditation, lucid dreams, astral projections, OBEs, and more) yet I haven’t talked too much about the many paranormal occurrences that have happened in my life.  I have been afraid to tell many people in fear of sounding as if I have lost my mind.  I am now realizing that I shouldn’t feel ashamed about my different take on things, instead I want to share the experiences and people can take it or leave it!

With that, I wanted to share a story that happened to me about two years ago which is of a paranormal nature.  I have shared this story with countless friends and family members and have gotten more positive feedback than negative, most people informing me that they had chills run up and down their bodies after I shared the story with them.  I have had many occurrences in my life, ever since I was a small child of paranormal phenomena, but I closed myself off to it after getting strange looks whenever I tried to share my stories with others.  In my adult life, I have had my fair share of strange otherworldly occurrences, but again, I haven’t been very open to share them in fear of being labeled crazy.  Well, here it goes…if you are still reading, I hope you enjoy this short story :):

I awoke groggy-headed and confused that early morning as I heard my boyfriend at the time rushing around his apartment in a frantic hurry.  I tapped the screen of my cell phone and was annoyed to discover that it was only 5:00 in the morning on a Saturday.  Few things annoy me in life as much as waking up earlier than 8:00am on a Saturday.
“Hey babe,” my boyfriend Chase alerted me,”sorry if I woke you, I’m putting my apartment key on your key chain, k?” I mustered up a confirmation in a frog-like tone and flipped back onto my side to try and fall back asleep.  As I started drifting asleep, I heard Chase lock up his apartment and jet down the stairs rushing to work.  I finally entered a blissful state of sleep, entering into dream-time only to be awoken by someone gently placing their hands on my chest and pushing down on me.  I started giggling “Chase what are you doing back home already?” I asked aloud and opened my eyes.


The room was piercingly quiet, I looked around and there was no one except me and Chase’s dog Achilles sleeping at the end of the bed alongside my feet, where he had been since Chase left for work.  I tapped my cell phone screen again and saw that it was about 6:30, I had only fallen back to sleep for a little more than an hour.  I called out Chase’s name in the apartment and there was nothing but silence.  I brushed off the strange incident and concluded that it must have been remnants of a dream.  It didn’t take long for me to fall right back into a blissful state of sleep.

I was again awoken by someone pressing their hands on my chest, only this time it was a bit more forceful and I could sense them sitting alongside me on the bed.  This time there was laughter coming from the person pushing on my chest and it felt very playful.  I started laughing too and I knew this time for sure it had to be Chase playing a joke.  I started laughing more and peeled open my eyes expecting to see Chase, but the pressure left my chest as soon as I opened my eyes and there was no one there.

I ripped the blankets off of me and ran to the apartment door, pulling at the knob, the dead bolt was locked so no one could have come in.  I went back to the bedroom to find Achilles lying down at the end of the bed where he had always been, only now with his head twisted to the side wondering if I was up for good to put food in his dog bowl.  At this point I texted Chase about what happened in which he freaked out wondering if someone came into his apartment, but I informed him there was no possible way.  When I tried to tell him that his (newish to him) apartment was possibly haunted, he brushed off my remark as he wasn’t into those types of ideas.


Fast forward to about a month later.  I had gone off to my first ever 10-day meditation retreat and when I came out of it, I turned on my cell phone and received a huge confirmation.  Chase informed me that while I was away, he had befriended a new neighbor in his apartment complex that had been living there for years.  After they shared a drink or two one night, the neighbor had brought up a shocking story about a young man who was struck with a hammer in the apartment complex parking lot just a couple years prior.  The blow from the hammer came from an argument he had gotten into, the young man rushed up to his apartment (now Chase’s apartment) and died in his mom’s arms.  I was incredibly shocked and my mind kept going back to that morning that I had felt someone on my chest.  I texted Chase back “will you consider my story again now?!” 😬

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On the Cheap, a List of Ways to Have Thrifty Fun!

I wanted to do one last quickie post before writing my long adventure story about Ireland.  Two months ago I thought that I had my whole next year planned.  I quit my job to do some adventuring in Iceland and Ireland for a couple months and then had a job lined up for me to teach in China starting on February 9th.  Well, as I am sure all of you have experienced before, sometimes plans don’t always go as they’re supposed to.  In my case, I am still awaiting papers from the government that I need to get authenticated before I can even adventure down to San Francisco where the nearest embassy is located to try and apply for a visa.  At this juncture, the government can’t even give me an estimate of when my papers will be ready as they said that they are 14 weeks behind, so even when they do get to mine….it could still be weeks before they send them back to me.

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In the last three weeks, my meditation practice has centered me full force.  I have definitely had some anxiety and stress as bills are piling on, but my daily 20 minutes of meditation has kept bringing me back to the present, to the breath and to the reminder that there is always something to be grateful for.  With my savings dwindling down and my days being filled with job hunting, I have reached panic-mode a few times in my head. Thank goodness I have found two temporary jobs until I figure out my next move.  I have figured out a multitude of ways to still have fun, despite the fact that I haven’t been able to spend money the last few weeks.  I wanted to share this list because I remember with my post Never Underestimate the Healing Powers of…. I got a lot of feedback from readers who shared their ideas too…so please, if this resonates please share creative ways to enjoy life without moola in the comment box below!  I listed some of my favorites below.

broke–YouTube videos and/or Meetup for free yoga work outs.

–Attending group meditation sits that are strictly donation-based through The Vipassana Meditation Website

–Walks in the park.

–Hiking these gorgeous Oregon mountains (best done when you can carpool with others to save on gas money).

–Cooking and baking at home, I have discovered that I suck at making stir-fry and sweet potato burgers, but I am pretty good at black bean with beets burgers :).

–Inventing new NutriBullet smoothies every morning.  I have come up with some of the weirdest concoctions, but my favorite is: spinach, mixed greens, carrots, bananas, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, mango, peanut butter, coconut flakes and cashew milk……..pure yummmmminessss!

–Inviting friends over, they bring over wine/beverages, I make us snacks, and we watch movies or talk about metaphysical subjects all night long…..this soooooo beats going to the bars

–Blogging!

–Running/walking outside, because let’s face it folks….gyms are freaking expensive, ayeeeee yi yi!!!!!!!!!!

–Movies and popcorn at home, yeeeahhhhhh!!!

–Doing trades with friends, sharing our skills with each other

–Checking out a crap-ton of books from the library.  🙂  Current read: Love Hurts

 

 

Lucid Dreaming

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“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”

–Edgar Allan Poe

I have had a bit of time off of work, so I have finally gotten to catch up on one of my favorite past times: reading!  I have been holding onto this book, “Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming”, for almost two years since a friend so kindly lent it to me (I’m usually not that bad with borrowing stuff, but what can I say, he’s a nice friend….) I have been into all things metaphysical since I was a young child, lucid dreaming being on the top of my list.  I started jotting my dreams into journals when I was eight years old.  When I was a teenager, I would have piles upon piles of metaphysical books underneath my pillows and to the side of me.  I recently joked to my sister that my mom never had to worry about me sleeping with boys when I was in high school, however she maybe should have been worried that I had the book “Life After Life” by Raymond Moody tucked under the covers with me for the majority of my 17th year on this planet.

I would try to bring up metaphysical subjects with my mom or grandma growing up, but they would usually either leave the room or tell me that I “shouldn’t be thinking that way.”  That was when I started writing in dream journals, regular journals and then finally finding a few others with similar mind sets as me in junior high to discuss all things metaphysical with.  It was great to be able to find these kindred spirits and to not feel as if I had to hold back on discussing things that had bothered me since I was a child.  To be able to ask my friend “what if there was just absolute NOTHINGness, like….not even the color black or white because if it was true NOTHINGness there wouldn’t even be colors…” and to not be looked at as if I was crazy was just great to me.

Now that we are living in this huge technological era, I have discovered there is a plethora of people that think like me and have been questioning the same things.  It’s so wonderful in this blogging community to come across metaphysical subjects so readily and have long drawn out conversations with someone across the world about “why in the hell are we here?”  I feel that in general, the world is opening up to metaphysical lines of thinking.  I feel that five years ago I would have been way to shy to be writing about what I am about to write.  What I really want to do in writing this is to help someone, even if it’s just one person reading this right now, to let them know that they are not alone.

I opened up “Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming” last night, read the first chapter (which included one detailed exercise on becoming aware in the precise moment of wherever you are while reading the book) and fell asleep.  It was a shock to me, but I experienced a lucid dream immediately (I guess I have a knack for it?)  I had quite a few lucid dreams in the last few years, but this one in particular had both the lucidity and the feeling of a very thin veil between dimensions.  I wrote it down right away after I awoke and this is word for word from my journal:

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Okay, I am for SURE going to need to get a separate dream journal!  I only JUST started reading this lucid dream book last night and as soon as I fell asleep I already had an experience!  It started with me drifting off to sleep (having random thoughts) and then as clear as day, the song “Black” by Pearl Jam came into my head and then the White Stripes “Hardest Button to Button”, it was really rather goofy.  And then a strong awareness came over me, I realized that I was lying in my bed and that I was in my new studio apartment that I just moved into.  I got the sensation that, especially compared to my old apartment that I just moved from, I was in a space that has very good energy.  I felt wrapped up in a warming loving energetic embrace and realized I was up near the ceiling and saw my body in the bed below.  And then there was what felt like a shift (kind of when your ears pop when you’re rising in an airplane) in frequency and I felt incredibly light and free.  I felt as if I had a gigantic smile on my face, I felt so excited and then I darted across the room to pet my cat.  As I was petting him, I noticed that my arm was transparent and I realized it was just made of light.  I started to get so energetic and fascinated that I could roam free anywhere I wanted, but then a voice softly said as clear as day “we can hear you, but calm down, you’re going to wake people up” and then I darted awake.

So, take that as you will (yes I’m hearing voices, but at least it’s while I am asleep ;)) I just couldn’t stop thinking about it all throughout the next day.  It seemed so incredibly real to me and I know in the past lucid dreams had always been like this, it’s almost as if they feel more real than “real” life.  Now that I have all this time off for the next few weeks I am going to try a few more of the exercises.  As I have paged through the book, I have noticed that a lot of the exercises consist of meditations, so it will be interesting to see how deep I can go doing my regular 20-minute morning meditations along with the meditations in the book.

“I believe in everything until it’s disproved.  So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons.  It all exists,even if it’s in your mind.  Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”

–John Lennon