Vast.

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I think that a lot of anxiety comes from the fear of failure, of not reaching goals in life. I think that a lot of depression and anxiety stems from people thinking that this world is just so huge. That there are just so many people, so many creatures, “what am I, as one person, going to do to make any difference in the world?” People feel small, insignificant, just a drop of water in a vast ocean.

We are HUGE though, we are incredibly significant, each beautiful and wonderful action that’s done on a daily basis causes ripple effects. A smile, holding the door for someone, a compliment, seemingly insignificant fleeting moments in life are so much more important than we think.

Your life is remarkable, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.

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Feeling Some Good Vibes….

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Feeling so many good vibes today. So many ideas and concepts are coming to me. Vast, eternal, life is so much more in this new mind frame. Layers are shedding off. I am realizing how much easier life is when you let go of attachments. You can read a ton of books and blogs about walking this path, but oh boy is it amazing to FEEL IT! I am so grateful, sooooooooooo grateful to have stumbled into the world of meditation. The planes I reach through it vary, sometimes I go back to lower vibrations: to the feeling of wanting this or that, not being where I am supposed to be…..but when I reach these good vibes, I remember.

I want every single living thing to understand what it is I am feeling–that’s a bit of an attachment, a want.

I want to scream to the world what I finally understand, but I don’t even think that words can explain it and since everyone is experiencing reality different, my words will only resonate with some.

Much Love All!

Life is….

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Life is….

The pain, the joy, the sweet smells, the luscious green grass, the animals, the children’s laughter, biting into a peanut-butter filled chocolate truffle, the tossing and turning at night, the smile on his face after something I said, the fleece blanket I was curled under as I read “Desert Solitaire”, the shadows against the garage at 6:00 in the evening, the pain in my leg muscles after an indoor soccer game, the depression I felt on a beautiful sunny afternoon, the longing I feel for a place that I remember I came from, the attachments that I feel towards my dreams, the sounds and smells of my housemate cooking, the cute little eight-year old girl that just came knocking at my front door to break me out of my musings to ask, “Do you have a plastic fork or a balloon, I’m on a scavenger hunt….” Aren’t we all? The sounds of cars speeding down the road, the hum of the lawn mower two houses down, my cat meowing—begging that I let him outside, the beautiful black crows ascending and descending from the tall Oregon fir trees, the illusion of being alone, the grumbling coming from my stomach, the dust on my windowsill that I have been meaning to wipe down for the last three weeks, the realization that there is so much yet to learn, the memories, the pulsations throughout my body, the gratitude I feel, the art that I need to work on, the breathing that I concentrate on, alert, I am awake….for now. Every single thing—all of it, it’s amazing and miraculous.

This Place….

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There’s This Place that I go into, a place where my sense of reality changes, it might be considered by some a trance, maybe?  In This Place, everything makes sense and there is no worry….in fact, worry seems so laughable in This Place.  This Place envelopes me and I become so at one with it that I can’t imagaine a place other than it.

And then…..I get attached to this place, I cling to it and realize it could leave and once I think that, I snap out of it and get back into “the real world.”  I truly do love This Place though, because This Place is pure love.  This Place is gratitude, joy, love, and freedom all mixed together to make the most beautiful feeling.  In This Place, I remember the divine orchestra of life, that every single thing is just as it should be.  No regrets and no frets….This Place is a reminder of what has been forgotten and I’m forever thankful for it.

In This Place, my past, present and future are nonlinear.  In This Place I remember that we are all eternal.  I remember that just as every single leaf, every single blade of grass, and every single dot of dust had so many different things happen to make it exist, we are alike.  We are just like that leaf, just like that grass, just like that dot of dust, so many different things had to happen to bring us to who we are RIGHT NOW.  And who we are RIGHT NOW is going to be so much different from the person we are going to be at 2 PM tomorrow, circumstances and situations are constantly changing who we are in the moment.

It is so freeing in This Place.  In This Place, you can let go of everything so easily.  In This Place you remember that everything is flowing like a river, things are constantly changing, but it’s not scary: it’s absolutely, beautifully stunning.  In This Place I don’t worry about whether or not my toenails are looking like they’re in massive need of a pedicure, in This Place I’m not worried about what people think of my hairdo or the way I dress because in This Place I remember that none of that truly matters.  In This Place there is no judgement.

This Place overtakes me inside and out, in This Place I feel at one with everything around me.  This Place reminds me of how truly amazing everything is, how when there very well could be nothingness…there is somethingness.  It reminds me to take everything in with every single breath, the way my feet feel against the ground, the sweat on my skin, the colors surrounding me.

This Place, it is a beautiful place to be.  This Place brings me out of confusion, delusion and reminds me of how everything that I thought I knew, it was all just an illusion…..

Grateful.

“The universe is full of magical things patiently
waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”

~Eden Phillpotts
(also attributed to William Butler Yeats)

Such an important subject to bring into daily life: gratitude, moment to moment.  There is never a reason to get stuck in negativity when this world has so much to be grateful for and to be in awe of.  I can name five things right now that I am so ever grateful for:

1.) My breakfast, I’m taking in every bite of it, being thankful for the elements on Earth that helped it to grow, the people that worked hard to help it to grow, the people that delivered it to the grocery store, the workers at the grocery store that stocked it, the lady at the register that carefully placed it in my grocery bag…..to have this bowl of nourishment in front of me, it took a lot to get it here.

2.) My best friend of 16 years called to talk this morning, the strong connection I have to her and her daughter.  The other perspective that she gave me this morning about a situation I was stressing out about, so grateful to have supporters to help me open my eyes to other perspectives that wouldn’t have even crossed my mind.

3.) The double windows in my bedroom showing the backyard as a snow globe, snowflakes twinkling down onto Oregon ground.

4.) My health, my body’s amazing machine-work of keeping me healthy so that I can enjoy this day.

5.) The clean drinking water I have to sip on and to get it, all I have to do is walk 15 feet to my kitchen and lift a handle to the faucet, out comes clean drinking water.

What gets me in negative thinking and fear-mode is knowing that so many people on Earth don’t have this blessed life, so many people are suffering, and for what?  So that only a small percentage of us can have such blessed lives?  What gets me down is feeling so helpless, I want the whole world to be blessed. I will continue on this path and do all that I can do in my power to make this world a better place before I leave it.

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Blog on Fire Award

I have been recently enlightened on the process of being nominated with a blog award. I am so incredibly new to the blogging world that I didn’t know you can get blog awards from other bloggers, I also am still trying to figure out how to put the award on the sidebar of my blog-site, haha. I really want to send out a huge “thank you!!” to the person who nominated me: Gina, creator of the blog: Iridescently: http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/3217531/

I have also been enlightened to blogger award etiquette while being nominated with this fine award. Rules are: you must acknowledge the person who nominated you, share a few interesting facts about yourself and then pass along the award to some other blogs that you might frequent.

So, as much as I don’t like boasting about myself, here is a few interesting facts that I will share about myself as being Ilona:

1.) I was named after my Hungarian Grandmother, who made her way over to the U.S.A. from Hungary through hell and highstorm in 1956 with her two sons and husband.

2.) I was born in Washington DC, raised in Minnesota, and now reside in Portland, OR.

3.) I got my tongue pierced before I got my ears pierced.

And now, for the fun part, I would like to nominate the following blogs that I frequent on a weekly basis:

A Year of Meditating: http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/30994237/

Through the Looking Glass: http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/43726546/

…Virtually…: http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/1697448/

Love2Ascend: http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/40227697/

That was incredibly tough decision making, with just how many inspiring blogs I follow, P.S. these were given in no particular order.

Thanks to everyone out there for your inspiration and support!

Peace and love 🙂

–Ilona