Tuesday 9/5 (continued from where I left off in Vision Quest, Part Uno)
Despite the mild panic that my mind is going though at the moment, I know that these people are thinking of me: My mom, Gina, Naomi, Devona, Amy, Kyle, Mary, Cori, Ryan, Heather, Liz, Kim, Kris, Kendra, Tom, Brooke, Scott, Gent, Linda, Josh, Haylee, Austin, Alan, Nina, Tanner, Karen, and Kirk. And with that, I know that I am loved. I am loved. I am loved.
I don’t quite know yet how to make a living yet out of my passion of inner-work (meditating, journaling, nature, and dream-work), but I can at least work on it on the side like I am doing until I can make a career out of it. I need to change into shorts, aye yi yi!!!
So now this funny, I had intentions to get my hiking boots back on, but there has been a butterfly on the right shoe for a long time now, it opens its wings as if it’s about to take off, then closes, then opens, then closes. I was gonna attempt to try to scope out a place that is fly-free so that I can maybe try to sit my ass down and draw. Wish me luck.
Tue 9/5 (continued)
My back be hurtin’ yo. So this is kind of hilarious…it is raining right now, but only in this very section of my Vision Quest spot. Is this Portland’s cruel joke on me?
When I get back to St. George I am going to try to be less controlling. I am going to make my main intention be that I’ll be sure to light a candle/incense every day and meditate for 20 minutes, journal for 20 minutes, and read something spiritual. I understand that I’ll need to go back to the working world for now to save up money and get groceries and what not. But I will continue to practice my spirituality without a doubt.
I have now seen: butterflies, flies, birds, squirrels, and one chipmunk. Looks like this rain is passing and I am definitely starting to get wayyyyyyyyy hungry.
So far, my day has pretty much gone like this: wake up, pee, brush hair, brush teeth (with no water it made it kinda tough), get dressed, make bed, meditate, yoga, journal, walking meditation, take some sips of my peyote tea, explore my surroundings (including one brief fall off of a tree, haha!) Then, I napped, meditated, drew, another walking meditation, started to make a rock drawing on my tarp until I felt as if I was going to faint in which I headed to some shade, rested against a tree, and took a few sips of my tea and voila—here I am again. I have decided to make cards of my butterfly drawings to give to each of the beautiful souls that I have met on this Vision Quest.
Mother fucking flies! I talked to them, tried to reason with them, but they don’t give two shits. What the fuck is the point of these ugly horse flies—they have no purpose except to annoy the fuck out of us. I just got stung by a wasp too, but at least I know that I am not allergic, eh?
These flies are definitely giving me a run for my money. I have been walking in a loop that I created just to get the flies to leave me alone. It started thundering and there was a bit of grey cloud rolling in, my ego panicked for a second. I was like “ahhhhhhhhhhh, toss out your rock art, pick up the tarp and put it over tree branches somewhere, rain is coming!!” But then my heart (the calmer and quieter voice) said to wait it out because my rock art that spells out “LOVE” on top of my tarp is pretty epic and sure enough, it never rained…only thundered.
I had a little girl-crabby moment at the 26th hour of no food and with flies attacking me. But once I discovered the art of walking at a specific pace that keeps the flies off of me and didn’t get me too tired, it was quite perfecto! There is something soooooooooooooo incredibly familiar about this whole thing, as if I have done it before or something. Hmmmmmmm?
Helping to build the sweat lodge with my brothers and sisters at Vision Quest, notice the sunbow that encompasses us?!
Tuesday 9/5 (nightfall)
Well, hello there. Peyote reminds me of opium. It’s so interesting, it’s nothing like what I thought it was going to be. I thought that there was going to be more hallucinations, but in reality, it is truly a heart opener. I’d love to do this with someone I love, be it a family member, friend, or lover. It truly is a truth serum, just as Gent mentioned. Gent, the peyote whisperer. Hehe, I am a silly one. In my hours of idle I started to make little butterfly cards with messages for everyone, but I am afraid my pen might run out soon, so I might need to finish them at base camp.
I have pretty much forgotten the fact that I haven’t eaten anything in about 30+ hours now. Definitely feeling the peyote harder tonight (probably due to the whole not eating for 30+ hours thing). There are a lot of memories coming up for me. Memories about visiting Mount Shasta with Meghan and going to that delicious pizza parlor, Matt harassing me to go visit him after my Mount Shasta trip (I feel so safe to be far away from him. Truly.) Flashbacks to Eugene and then to the lovely people that I sat with at a half-day meditation retreat in Eugene.
I just heard some dude coughing, strange.
It’s interesting because I am having all of these memory flashbacks, but I’m not really having any emotions attached with them. I need to give myself more credit, I have lived a pretty brave and adventurous life. I am feeling ready to settle down though soon and have a home base.
I feel that I have had a truly blessed life for the most part. This peyote is extraaaa strong tonight, yowzas! I’m really realizing the multi-dimensional aspect of my being. I still have many more lessons to learn here in the 3D realm, but this quote from this song is coming up for me now, it’s that one “The future’s not ours to see, whatever will be will be.” I need to remember to have fun with playing in the 3D realm, it can be playful if we allow it! It feels as if it has been dusk for hours and hours! Haha
Wednesday 9/6 (AM)
This might sound harsh, but I could kill for some water right about now. The tea will help a little, but I am fantasizing about downing a whole jug of water. 24 more hours to go, 24 more hours to go. Right before I awoke, I dreamt that I had to run an errand for my mom. I went and did that quickly, but it was intense because traffic was a little nutty. I got back to my mom’s and I was putting eyeliner on, but she needed me to help her and my brother with finding a specific talk show. I was attempting to text message this teacher guy who I was dating to tell him that I was going to be late for our date. My text messaging went on the fritz, he got mad and texted back “you deleted my text message! You know what? Just forget about this.” I froze up in place and couldn’t move for a minute. A bunch of light was pouring down into my physical body and then I woke up.
I am noticeably weaker today. Yesterday, my head was aching from no food, but now it has spread down my whole body, it aches and feels very weak. I don’t know what I’ll do about those flies today because I am thinking that my body will probably be too weak to do the walking loop that I was doing yesterday to have them leave me alone. Man, I am not joking about the water thing, I could seriously go for some water right now. I had a dozen sips of tea, which was glorious, but that’s that I can have until evening besides a sip here or there during the afternoon today. After I got back from going to the bathroom, I walked back to my sleeping bag and everything started to fade to white. I am also having the beginning stages of a UTI. As in, it keeps feeling like I have to pee, but I know that I don’t have pee because I just went and I have barely been drinking any fluids.
This is going to be a long day, I feel like my whole body got hit by a truck. I feel slightly nauseated, thirsty as I have ever been in my life, and having periodic UTI symptoms, aye yi yi. Spirit, please please please be with me for the next 24 hours, I know that I can get through this. I think that I am going to be doing a lot of sleeping and resting today.
Water, cranberry juice, Nutella on bread/bagel, peanut butter/sun butter on tortilla, fried ice cream, this is everything I am craving right about now!
(To Be Continued…!)