“Imagination is the real and eternal world of which this vegetable universe is but a faint shadow.”–William Blake
They’re everywhere. They’re standing in the middle of walkways, at the grocery stores, at shopping malls, walking down city sidewalks, they are your own friends that you haven’t seen in months sitting across from you at the restaurant booth. They are all doing that familiar thing, that incredibly common sight this day in age. Come on…you know what I am talking about by now, right? I am talking about that human with their head faced down and that far away glaze in their eyes as they look down at a tiny screen on a gadget that fits ever so perfectly between their hands.
I’m guilty of it. You’re guilty of it. Anyone that owns a cell phone, whether or not it’s a “smart” phone is guilty of it. I guarantee that in your time of owning a cell phone you have either tripped over uneven sidewalk, ignored your friend, or blocked someone’s way in a store aisle because of cell phone distraction. I absolutely guarantee it, we are glued to them. They hold the whole world inside of them. We feel naked leaving the house without them. With the push of a button we can find newer and better of anything: cars, houses, lovers.
A few weekends ago, I decided to have a cell phone fast for one day. The battery on my phone had died the Friday evening before and I decided that I would just not plug it into a charger until Sunday afternoon. To my surprise, as soon as I set the cell phone fast as an intention, I felt incredibly at peace and had a sense of relief when I realized I wouldn’t have to respond to anyone or anything on a tiny screen until Sunday. I became excited at thought of not having to feel guilty in not responding to someone.
I caught up on so many things that I had been putting off for so long. I finished chores around the house, including the two loads of laundry and washing the pile of dishes stacked like a Jenga tower on my bedroom desk. I finished a library book that had been racking up an over due fine for well over a month. I went on a two-hour nature walk/jog and locked eyes or smiled with a few other passersby. I caught up with two of my roommates who I have had more interaction with on Facebook messenger than in real life.
I have realized that my addiction to my cell phone has become just as bad as any other addiction that I have ever had. It is just another distraction keeping me from what I really want or should be doing. It has become a way to numb my brain out from thinking about thoughts that I don’t want to face. It is another way to avoid facing up to things that are hurting me or things that I need to heal. There are so many options and possibilities of things to do on my cell phone, it’s like being at a virtual amusement park for adults.
I understand that there is the other side of the coin. I know that cell phones are devices of convenience and helpful in many aspects. I know that it is part of what is able to connect us to everyone and everything. Someone in another country might be reading these very words I am typing out right now and that is absolutely amazing. But what gets me, what really gets me is this: what if it were all to crash tomorrow? I mean truly, everything changes and nothing stays the same.
I just want to be more alert and aware of when I reach down for my phone, what is it that is drawing me there? What is it within me that is feeling so uncomfortable with my own thoughts that I need to distract my mind with external validation from technology? I want to change my ways. I think I want to dedicate a time to look at it, maybe instead of first thing in the morning, I can look at it briefly at my lunch hour and for a set time after work: thirty minutes or less and that’s it. I just want more moment-to-moment awareness and connection, how about you?
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
–Edgar Allan Poe
I have had a bit of time off of work, so I have finally gotten to catch up on one of my favorite past times: reading! I have been holding onto this book, “Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming”, for almost two years since a friend so kindly lent it to me (I’m usually not that bad with borrowing stuff, but what can I say, he’s a nice friend….) I have been into all things metaphysical since I was a young child, lucid dreaming being on the top of my list. I started jotting my dreams into journals when I was eight years old. When I was a teenager, I would have piles upon piles of metaphysical books underneath my pillows and to the side of me. I recently joked to my sister that my mom never had to worry about me sleeping with boys when I was in high school, however she maybe should have been worried that I had the book “Life After Life” by Raymond Moody tucked under the covers with me for the majority of my 17th year on this planet.
I would try to bring up metaphysical subjects with my mom or grandma growing up, but they would usually either leave the room or tell me that I “shouldn’t be thinking that way.” That was when I started writing in dream journals, regular journals and then finally finding a few others with similar mind sets as me in junior high to discuss all things metaphysical with. It was great to be able to find these kindred spirits and to not feel as if I had to hold back on discussing things that had bothered me since I was a child. To be able to ask my friend “what if there was just absolute NOTHINGness, like….not even the color black or white because if it was true NOTHINGness there wouldn’t even be colors…” and to not be looked at as if I was crazy was just great to me.
Now that we are living in this huge technological era, I have discovered there is a plethora of people that think like me and have been questioning the same things. It’s so wonderful in this blogging community to come across metaphysical subjects so readily and have long drawn out conversations with someone across the world about “why in the hell are we here?” I feel that in general, the world is opening up to metaphysical lines of thinking. I feel that five years ago I would have been way to shy to be writing about what I am about to write. What I really want to do in writing this is to help someone, even if it’s just one person reading this right now, to let them know that they are not alone.
I opened up “Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming” last night, read the first chapter (which included one detailed exercise on becoming aware in the precise moment of wherever you are while reading the book) and fell asleep. It was a shock to me, but I experienced a lucid dream immediately (I guess I have a knack for it?) I had quite a few lucid dreams in the last few years, but this one in particular had both the lucidity and the feeling of a very thin veil between dimensions. I wrote it down right away after I awoke and this is word for word from my journal:
Okay, I am for SURE going to need to get a separate dream journal! I only JUST started reading this lucid dream book last night and as soon as I fell asleep I already had an experience! It started with me drifting off to sleep (having random thoughts) and then as clear as day, the song “Black” by Pearl Jam came into my head and then the White Stripes “Hardest Button to Button”, it was really rather goofy. And then a strong awareness came over me, I realized that I was lying in my bed and that I was in my new studio apartment that I just moved into. I got the sensation that, especially compared to my old apartment that I just moved from, I was in a space that has very good energy. I felt wrapped up in a warming loving energetic embrace and realized I was up near the ceiling and saw my body in the bed below. And then there was what felt like a shift (kind of when your ears pop when you’re rising in an airplane) in frequency and I felt incredibly light and free. I felt as if I had a gigantic smile on my face, I felt so excited and then I darted across the room to pet my cat. As I was petting him, I noticed that my arm was transparent and I realized it was just made of light. I started to get so energetic and fascinated that I could roam free anywhere I wanted, but then a voice softly said as clear as day “we can hear you, but calm down, you’re going to wake people up” and then I darted awake.
So, take that as you will (yes I’m hearing voices, but at least it’s while I am asleep ;)) I just couldn’t stop thinking about it all throughout the next day. It seemed so incredibly real to me and I know in the past lucid dreams had always been like this, it’s almost as if they feel more real than “real” life. Now that I have all this time off for the next few weeks I am going to try a few more of the exercises. As I have paged through the book, I have noticed that a lot of the exercises consist of meditations, so it will be interesting to see how deep I can go doing my regular 20-minute morning meditations along with the meditations in the book.
“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists,even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”
It has been a long time since I have written a post! I never wanted this blog to become one of those stagnant websites you come across where you check to see when the last update was and it states it was years ago. The only way I would let that happen is if I were to pass away, then it really will be a website locked in time. Although, the website address might change if I were to pass, as I am paying $18 a year for my website name (let’s be brutally honest here hah…) So here it goes, I am feeling the inspiration and flow to get some words out again.
I have been a bit silent lately because I have been dealing with some life changes and anxiety (those two really go hand in hand don’t they?) Old destructive thought patterns have been coming up for me again and I caught myself on the teeter totter of desiring past addictions, but fortunately as time passed the cravings vanished. I kept remembering that just because in one moment I was craving a past addiction, it doesn’t have to become a big story. It was just one moment, one passing thought, one passing craving and the next moment starts anew.
My meditation practice has been the same (20 minutes on most mornings), but with that I have felt that I reached a plateau and haven’t gotten as much out of it as when I started a few years ago. I guess I had some fantasy when I first started practicing meditation that it would lift me up fast and that life would be like heaven every day. While there has been some amazing transformation within me since first starting meditation, life as a human is still exactly that. I have to feed this body, excrete stuff from this body and care for this body……honestly, it’s a lot of work!
The other fantasy that I had about starting a meditation practice was that I thought it would help me to elevate my consciousness to such a degree that all my dreams would come true and that everything would be happily ever after. Hah! Just typing that out makes me crack up, because in reality it did the complete opposite. It shattered the idea of my dreams, it made me realize that a lot of my dreams were actually never even mine to begin with. It ripped apart the idea of what I thought I was supposed to be and do in this life.
Meditation has quieted my mind and has helped me to focus in on what my true desires are. It has helped me in becoming patient with what is in any given moment or situation, be it blessing or a curse occurring. Meditation has shown me many things that I need to work on and many things that I have avoided for a good majority of my adult life. It has made me realize that you can shift everything around in your outer life all you want to try to find happiness, but truly….everything is actually discovered when you go within.
I actually just made three major changes in the outer circumstances of my life, so I am being a little hypocritical with the above statement, haha. However, I feel that meditation helped me to focus in on what I truly want to do with my life, so I have begun taking the steps and signs have come along with that informing me in a synchronous matter that this is the path that I need to be on right now. I’m sure that some uncomfortable things will come up on this path too, but that will give me the experience I need to keep on my path of following my bliss. I am excited for this new path and am going to try to post more frequently!
I never want fame, nor fortune. I just want people to know something and spread messages in a cosmic tidal wave. I want people to know that they have the power. It never was anyone else’s fault.
I don’t want a successful career, I don’t want to own a house, I don’t want 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, I just want to be a light for a little while, until I dim out.
This is all I am, this is what I do.
This dimension has been really tough and dense, but I am in it right now, so here goes….
It’s time to stop busying myself, and time to share.
Everything in my life, the “good” and the “bad” has come together full circle, into this wheel of life. I am realizing it all had to happen, for me to come to this moment of now…where I am sharing parts of my soul that I feared ever sharing before, in hopes that it will help someone, even just one person out there who might be feeling alone.
I have been addicted to cigarettes, addicted to pills, addicted to lovers, addicted to technology, addicted to caffeine, and after putting a halt to each addiction, I come back to that same empty hole. The hole is felt in those spaces in between. The spaces where you feel all alone, where you feel bored or hopeless. The spaces pass though and if you face those spaces and “holes” within, you move up and above to a buoyant space where it all makes sense.
I am coming into my power and nothing can stop me now.
The things that bring you down only do harm to you and so make your choice joy, the joy belongs to you.
And when you do, you’ll find the one you love is you, you’ll find you love you.
Don’t be ashamed no, to open your heart and pray, say what your soul sings to you.
So no longer pretend that you can’t feel it near, that tickle on your hand, that tingle in your ear.
Oh ask it anything because it loves you dear. It’s your most precious king If only you could hear.
And when you do, you’ll find the one you need is you, you’ll find you love you.
I think that a lot of anxiety comes from the fear of failure, of not reaching goals in life. I think that a lot of depression and anxiety stems from people thinking that this world is just so huge. That there are just so many people, so many creatures, “what am I, as one person, going to do to make any difference in the world?” People feel small, insignificant, just a drop of water in a vast ocean.
We are HUGE though, we are incredibly significant, each beautiful and wonderful action that’s done on a daily basis causes ripple effects. A smile, holding the door for someone, a compliment, seemingly insignificant fleeting moments in life are so much more important than we think.
Your life is remarkable, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
“If you could flick a switch and open your third eye,
You’d see that
We should never be afraid to die”