It has been a long time since I have written a post! I never wanted this blog to become one of those stagnant websites you come across where you check to see when the last update was and it states it was years ago. The only way I would let that happen is if I were to pass away, then it really will be a website locked in time. Although, the website address might change if I were to pass, as I am paying $18 a year for my website name (let’s be brutally honest here hah…) So here it goes, I am feeling the inspiration and flow to get some words out again.
I have been a bit silent lately because I have been dealing with some life changes and anxiety (those two really go hand in hand don’t they?) Old destructive thought patterns have been coming up for me again and I caught myself on the teeter totter of desiring past addictions, but fortunately as time passed the cravings vanished. I kept remembering that just because in one moment I was craving a past addiction, it doesn’t have to become a big story. It was just one moment, one passing thought, one passing craving and the next moment starts anew.
My meditation practice has been the same (20 minutes on most mornings), but with that I have felt that I reached a plateau and haven’t gotten as much out of it as when I started a few years ago. I guess I had some fantasy when I first started practicing meditation that it would lift me up fast and that life would be like heaven every day. While there has been some amazing transformation within me since first starting meditation, life as a human is still exactly that. I have to feed this body, excrete stuff from this body and care for this body……honestly, it’s a lot of work!
The other fantasy that I had about starting a meditation practice was that I thought it would help me to elevate my consciousness to such a degree that all my dreams would come true and that everything would be happily ever after. Hah! Just typing that out makes me crack up, because in reality it did the complete opposite. It shattered the idea of my dreams, it made me realize that a lot of my dreams were actually never even mine to begin with. It ripped apart the idea of what I thought I was supposed to be and do in this life.
Meditation has quieted my mind and has helped me to focus in on what my true desires are. It has helped me in becoming patient with what is in any given moment or situation, be it blessing or a curse occurring. Meditation has shown me many things that I need to work on and many things that I have avoided for a good majority of my adult life. It has made me realize that you can shift everything around in your outer life all you want to try to find happiness, but truly….everything is actually discovered when you go within.
I actually just made three major changes in the outer circumstances of my life, so I am being a little hypocritical with the above statement, haha. However, I feel that meditation helped me to focus in on what I truly want to do with my life, so I have begun taking the steps and signs have come along with that informing me in a synchronous matter that this is the path that I need to be on right now. I’m sure that some uncomfortable things will come up on this path too, but that will give me the experience I need to keep on my path of following my bliss. I am excited for this new path and am going to try to post more frequently!