It’s Now or Never

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A friend in recent months told me “I’m not where I want to be in life.” Which is definitely something every human being can relate to. We all have dreams and desires, some going back all the way to when we were a child wanting to be “this” or “that” when we grew up. The only problem with dreams and desires, is that a lot of people want it right now and they don’t want to wait. Patience is for others to do, not for the ones who wants to be at a specific place right now. We are NEVER going to be where we want to be in life though if we aren’t happy with where we are right now in the moment. This is all we have, all we will ever have, this moment of now. The “not being where I want to be” attitude will get us nowhere, because that is a surefire sign that we will NEVER feel that we are where we should be.

I definitely stress and worry about not reaching goals and desires, but meditation has really awoken me to being happy with exactly where I am. For an example, one recent morning I was looking at my bank account and worrying about making ends meet. My rent is becoming much more expensive than I envisioned when I decided to move into a small studio apartment by myself and I have many upcoming travels that people are relying on me to be there for and that I am super excited for. I really started to get into this animalistic, poverty-thinking mode and then I took a deep breath and asked myself “but how am I doing right NOW?” Because really, I could get struck by a vehicle that forgets to stop at a red light tomorrow and then not even be able to go on the travels that I had planned in the coming months. I mean honestly, the more important thing is how am I doing right NOW?

Thinking in terms of being blessed where you are in the moment is a profound experience. It ends up bringing you even more blessings. That morning, I had decided to turn around my anxious thoughts about money and transformed them into being grateful in that “now” moment and it created even more positivity in my day. I went to work that morning and within a few short hours I was provided with an unexpected free lunch from business associates. Another couple hours go by and my manager asked me if I could work more hours in the coming months due to a co-worker leaving. Some could call it a coincidence, but truly I believe it’s the magic of what happens when you count your blessings. What you are thinking on the inside truly will manifest into the outer world, I state this because I have truly seen it happen….multiple times.

I feel absolutely rich this morning, sitting at my little studio kitchenette indulging in cup loads of home-made coffee, a breakfast made with fresh fruit from my fridge and food that’s filled in my cupboards. I have clothing on to keep me warm, fresh water beside me to keep me hydrated. I honestly feel like a queen right NOW in this moment of writing this and to be able to type away on this laptop, with internet connection. I have so much right now, so blessed with all of this right now. I am not concerned at the moment of what’s in my bank account or not being where I want to be in life.

Be happy with what you have right now, be happy with who you are right now, if you can’t do that now….don’t keep wishing for it to happen in the future that is non-existent. The only existence is right NOW.

Meditation Musings




My friend and I reached the top of the hilly incline to a viewpoint that overlooked the Pacific Ocean.  The vastness of the ocean view and the sound of the waves was something to meditate on.  I set my maroon colored water bottle on the ground beside me and sat down on a big boulder, asking my friend if she’d mind if I meditated for a few minutes.  She gave me the go ahead, “of course not, that’s a great idea!”  I closed my eyes and became aware of touch points–my bottom on the boulder, my feet planted firmly on the ground, and my right hand cupped in my left hand with the back of my hands on my lap.  When I felt 100% grounded, I started focusing on my breath, the cold air gently moving up through my nostrils and the warm air moving out.  After a few minutes, I opened my eyes again.


“Sooooo, how do you meditate exactly?”  My friend questioned.  I hadn’t realized that my friend of fifteen years didn’t actually know what I was doing on the boulder.  “Do you just try to think of nothing?” She asked.  I felt a surge of excitement in my belly and started telling her about all that I had been learning about meditation since I moved to Oregon six months prior.  Moving to a new state without a job secured and not knowing a single soul was a pretty traumatic shock to my system, but had I not pushed myself to do it, I don’t think I would have landed on the path that brought me to a practice that has brought me the most healing in my life: the practice of meditation.


After stopping a tobacco addiction, an addiction to pills, and ending a long-term relationship with an alcoholic over the course of time between my sixteenth and twenty-sixth years on this planet, coming to Oregon alone was like a re-birth into a new life.  I forced myself to join community groups and among them, found a meditation group that met every Tuesday.  I had been reading a lot of self-help books about meditation and listening to a guided meditation CD that my mom gifted me with before I made my trek from the Midwest to the West Coast.  At the Tuesday night meditation group, I learned so much more about meditation and am forever grateful for the veteran teacher that created the group.


I explained to my friend about what I do during my meditation, that I constantly pay attention to my in-and out-breath (I do the Vipassana technique, one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation.)  That thinking about nothing isn’t the purpose of my meditation, the purpose is to become aware.  Stories, ideas, to-do lists, what someone said to me earlier that day that hurt me, someone that I need to contact later, and many other things will come up in my meditation.  The point though is to not get stuck or attached to any of those things, to just be aware of them and continually coming back to breath, to presence.  Eventually, with a daily practice, you truly become aware of the nature of the mind and how easy it is to come back into the moment of NOW with the breath.


The practice of meditation has helped and healed me so much, layers upon layers of my self have been coming off.  Just when I think that I have come to the deepest aspects of my soul, of consciousness, new ideas and concepts come to me.  Out of all the travels that I have done, meditation has been the most intense journey out of all of them.  It hasn’t been easy picking up this practice, but I can definitely tell you that it has been worth it.  I want to help people bring this healing modality into their lives, so anytime a friend asks me about….it’s guaranteed I will turn into a motor mouth and this blog is another avenue in how I want to help people with this.  If this post has helped even just one person in getting interested in meditation….then I have done my job.  :)



Liebster Blog Award


Thank you so much,, for nominating my blog with the Liebster award!  If you haven’t checked out her beautiful blog, I advise you to click on the link above right now!  :)  Here are the questions that have been requested of me to answer:

1.  How many times have you changed your blog theme?  I haven’t ever changed the theme, I have gone through three blogs though.  This third one has been the most theme-centric, the first two were more of a personal journal and with this blog I aim to be of service to others.

2.  What are your favorite colors?  Blue and pink.

3.  Fondest childhood memory?  Taking road trips with my mom, grandma and siblings to visit my great grandmother in Iowa…this is where my love for adventure/road trips stemmed from :).

4.  Recurring nightmare?  Being at someone’s house when they aren’t home and as they pull into the driveway, I try to escape or hide, but my legs feel stuck and I can’t move.

5.  Most often worn outfit?  (your “uniform”)  Jeans and a hoody.

6.  Personal eccentricity/habit you are known for?  Talking in weird voices (leprechaun voice, southern drawl, gangster-slang.)

7.  What virtue is most overrated?  Diligence.  I think that some of the greatest creative work comes from some days of laziness and solitude.

8.  When and where were you happiest?  Wow, this is tough, I have been blessed with many happy moments in life.  The first memory that popped up though was the day my friends and I biked from our hostel in Siem Reap, Cambodia to Angkor Wat…I had chills up and down my spine the whole day, it was so amazing.

9.  Top goal for blogging this year?  To reach a larger audience, to help people learn meditation techniques and help teach people how to help heal themselves from any stress or torment that is inflicting their mind.

10.  5 things you are grateful for today?  Food in my cupboards/fridge, this warm cup of coffee, my cozy little studio that is keeping me dry from the rain pouring outside, my health and my cat’s health.  :)

Here are the five blogs that I am nominating with the Liebster Award:

Here are the rules if you accept the nomination:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their Liebster Award blog post.

  2. Answer the ten questions given to you by the person who nominated you. Bonus questions are optional.

  3. Nominate five to ten of your favorite blogs with fewer than 200 followers. Provide a link to each, and notify them of their nomination.

  4. List ten new questions for your nominees to answer. You may include more than ten questions, marked as bonus questions, but remember your nominees only need answer your first ten.

  5. Include the acceptance rules in your post, so your nominees know what to do.

Here are the 10 questions for my nominees to answer:

1.)  How far away from your birthplace to you live now?

2.)  Are you reading a book right now?  If yes, what book?

3.)  Do you remember what you dreamt about last night?

4.)  What is your favorite job you have ever had?

5.)  What is one habit you would like to give up for good?

6.)  What music did you last listen to?

7.)  What is a goal that you have for your blogging this year?

8.)  Have you ever experienced paranormal phenomenon?  If so, tell your most intriguing experience.

9.)  What are your plans for the rest of today?

10.)  Do you play any sports?

Don’t forget to have fun with this.  :)

Quick Way to Calm the Nerves with the “Three-by-Three.”

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If it were up to me, I would meditate every hour in a day if I could, but then I wouldn’t be able to be as productive as life in 2014 demands me to be. On a typical day, I make time for one twenty minute morning meditation. My morning meditation gives me a wonderful calm start to the day and brings me into focus for my busy day job at the clinic I work at. About three hours into my day, I catch that focus dwindling and find that I am back in auto-pilot and not being very present in the moment, my mind drifting in all sorts of directions.

In the past, before I had found out about meditation, I might have dealt with that stressful auto-pilot mode with another cup of coffee or a big chocolate doughnut. Those methods can be okay once in a while, but I found an easier way to calm my nerves from a great book I came across in the start of my learning about meditation. The book is called Being Zen by Ezra Bayda. He has a meditation exercise called the “Three-by-Three.” The exercise can be accomplished in less than two minutes and can be done right at your desk at work or on the toilet on your bathroom break (honestly, that’s where I do it…it’s the most private space I can find at my job!)

Here are the directions to the “Three-by-Three” straight from Ezra’s book, I hope it helps you as much as it’s helped me:

“To get a taste of the Three-by-Three, try this: first bring awareness to the sensations of the breath. Be sure you are feeling the physical quality of the breath, not just the thought of the breath. Now add to awareness the feeling of the air on your skin. Feel the temperature and the texture of the air. Now, while maintaining awareness of the breath and the air, expand your awareness to include the feeling of presence in your posture. Hold these three components–the breath, the air, and the posture in awareness for three full breaths.

You can do this for several rounds of three breaths, using a variety of focal points: your feet, the top of your head, your mouth, back, or buttocks. You can use sight (shapes, colors, shadows) or any prevailing sensations or tensions in the body. The point is to expand the awareness, based in physical reality, and hold it without slipping back into thought. In directing awareness to the three different points of focus, we experience more fully what is happening right now. This can be difficult, especially in the beginning, but when you do this exercise over and over, the container of awareness gradually opens.”

Never Underestimate the Healing Powers of……


Life can throw curve balls at us, some days are tougher than others. We are all in need of healing as long as we are living in these bodies, in this world. I thought it would be fun to make a list of what has helped me in healing myself from the struggles life can seem to make. I would love if you added activities/actions that have helped you to heal your mind, body and soul in the “comments” section below. Hope you enjoy! :)

Never Underestimate the Healing Powers of…..

–Curling up under a blanket and getting lost in a book.
–Waking up in the morning and drinking a full glass of water.
–Getting a back massage from a friend.
–Finding a new park or neighborhood that you have never been to and going for a walk in it.
–Writing three full pages of whatever is on your mind and not stopping until you get to the third page.
–Savoring a warm cup of hot chocolate/tea/coffee, drinking each sip mindfully.
–Sitting for twenty minutes, doing nothing but focusing strictly on each in-breath and each out-breath.
–Volunteering in your community.
–Playing music with others.
–Cooking a meal that you have never cooked before.
–Running/jogging for twenty minutes without stopping.
–Writing down what you dreamt of the night before.
–Drawing a picture.
–Painting a picture.
–Writing a story.
–Catching up with a friend that lives near you over a bowl of steaming Vietnamese pho.
–Hugging others fully, with two arms and for longer than three seconds.
–Caring for a furry friend.
–Having life conversation with an elderly person.
–Having life conversation with a child.
–Watching a good movie.
–Traveling to a city that you have never been to before, alone.
–Listening to music.
–Being here, NOW, over and over remembering to come back to right here, right NOW.
–Playing a childhood recess game with your adult friends.
–Getting a new haircut.
–Going for a hike in nature.
–Skating (roller skating, roller blading, skateboarding.)
–Working in a garden.
–Sampling new beers or wines.
–Exploring a new city with friends.
–Walking alongside large bodies of water.
–Writing down three things you are grateful on a daily basis.
–Learning a new skill.
–Having a phone date with a friend far away.
–Kissing a good kisser.
–Going on spontaneous road trips/drives/car rides with music blasting out of the car speakers.

Our Eternal Spark


Something mystical is happening (has been happening) to me in the last two years, a huge awakening in my consciousness. It comes and goes, just as everything does, but it reminds me of the one thing that always remains: the eternal spark within us. We always are. We have always been. It’s an illusion to think otherwise. We have changed many forms, but we are always the same: that spark within us always has been.

I truly realize why I am here, in this incarnation. I am here to remind people of love. Every person I come into contact with, to remind them of joy, of love, of happiness. I came from light, into this dimension, into this world called “Earth” to remind people that they do not need to suffer. Being in human form has felt more uncomfortable than not for me, but as long as I have my body I am here to spread the message.

There have been so many times that I have just wanted to give up, times where I have given up. When I was 17 I overdosed on pain pills and muscle relaxers, hoping it would bring me back to the light where I came from. Instead I awoke in my twin-sized bed two days later feeling like I got hit by a truck and had an incredible thirst.

There were drugs that I felt brought me back to the feeling of being in the light. Speed was the major drug of choice, at one point not being able to leave my house until I was under the influence of it. I felt that I couldn’t function or relate to people without it. After that got halted (went to treatment, started using for a while again and then got sick of the feeling of being owned by something and quit cold turkey—the same way that worked best with quitting smoking cigarettes as well) I moved on to the next addiction: a man to love and to love me back. Well, I had to find out the hard way that if you don’t love yourself, you will never find that romantic love that everyone seems to be looking for.

So here I am: facing myself. In the last two years I have had an intense awakening like none other. Truly realizing what awakening means….integrating into your higher self.

Jimi Hendrix, Jack Kerouac, John Lennon, Amelia Earhart, Martin Luther King Jr. All those greats that we look up to, they are the same as us, they are a fractal of the Universe just as we are, but they refused to stay stuck. They are inspirations because they lived their hearts out, they shared a piece of their soul, for us to remember: we too hold that power that they had. Once you open your mind to the realization that when you make a leap towards your dream, you can never go back to the person you were before making that leap.

And if you mess up, who cares? And if they mock you, who cares? In the end what really matters is that you live out what you are supposed to live out and until you come to that point of being you are going to keep on finding yourself in a time loop…facing suffering by your own hand over and over. Look at all the suffering you have put up with thus far in life and I’m sure there have been times where you just wanted to scream, where you wanted to grab a hold a tuft of your hair and put your fists up to the sky questioning why there is so much suffering in the world.

Do you see though? You are the one that causes your own suffering, by silencing your voice and obeying what others have been telling you since you first entered this realm of existence. But others don’t hold the power: you do. And you will start to notice the people that are living out their dreams, they will be aligned with your vibration and you guys will both be trying to help others that haven’t reached this point yet.

This is what has been happening for me and I want to continue to share my journey because I know that we are in a time of age where this awakening is happening for many others. It is a scary path at first, facing yourself. I have found that facing my dark parts have helped me to shine light for others. We are in the dimension of darkness and light, the challenge is to shine through the darkness and not get sucked into it.



I never want fame, nor fortune. I just want people to know something and spread messages in a cosmic tidal wave. I want people to know that they have the power. It never was anyone else’s fault.

I don’t want a successful career, I don’t want to own a house, I don’t want 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, I just want to be a light for a little while, until I dim out.

This is all I am, this is what I do.

This dimension has been really tough and dense, but I am in it right now, so here goes….

It’s time to stop busying myself, and time to share.

Everything in my life, the “good” and the “bad” has come together full circle, into this wheel of life. I am realizing it all had to happen, for me to come to this moment of now…where I am sharing parts of my soul that I feared ever sharing before, in hopes that it will help someone, even just one person out there who might be feeling alone.

I have been addicted to cigarettes, addicted to pills, addicted to lovers, addicted to technology, addicted to caffeine, and after putting a halt to each addiction, I come back to that same empty hole. The hole is felt in those spaces in between. The spaces where you feel all alone, where you feel bored or hopeless. The spaces pass though and if you face those spaces and “holes” within, you move up and above to a buoyant space where it all makes sense.

I am coming into my power and nothing can stop me now.

Walls Crumbling Down…

Sunshiny Day


I have been so sweetly nominated with the Sunshine Award, thanks to:

The rules in accepting the blog are as follows:

The Sunshine Award Rules
◾Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
◾List 11 facts about yourself.
◾Nominate 10 other blogs to receive the award.
◾Announce the nominations to the nominees.

So here goes, 11 facts about myself:

1.) I was born in Alexandria, Virginia.
2.) I was named after my Hungarian grandmother.
3.) I don’t like talking about myself so I am drawing a heavy blank right now, haha.
4.) I moved to Portland, Oregon a little over two years ago without knowing a single soul that lives here.
5.) I love to travel and have made it to three continents so far (North America, Asia and Europe.)
6.) I played bass guitar in a band in high school.
7.) I smoked cigarettes for eight years (quit cold turkey about five years ago!)
8.) I had blue hair for about a year.
9.) I hate the sound of silverware being scraped together (it makes my teeth feel funny just thinking about the sound.)
10.) I have gotten over multiple addictions, but still can’t conquer my coffee addiction.
11.) I am a Godmother to an incredible little girl named Isis.
And here are 10 wonderful blogs that I would like to nominate the Sunshine Award to:


I have been following all of these blogs for quite some time and have been touched by them forever. I am absolutely loving this blogging community and am infinitely grateful for the healing all of your words have had on my soul. Much love all! <3